Mean Kids: They're Out There; How Do You Handle Them, As A Parent?

How mean can some teenage girls be? Very mean! Now how do I know this? I was a teenaged girl, and now I'm raising a teenage girl.


The hardest part, I'm finding out, about being a parent is knowing that you can't stop your kids from getting hurt. Part of being a good parent is knowing when to get involved and when to just let them work it out for themselves.


Some teenaged girls are very mean and my daughter is finding that out right now. The hardest part is finding out that the person you thought was your best friend is really in competition with you and truly isn't your friend.


Being a teenager is tough enough as it is, especially today. When the person you thought was your friend stabs you in the back it hurts. Not only does it hurt your child, but as a parent it makes you mad and hurts you as well.




How you handle any situation with your child is always tough for any parent. Do I keep quiet and let her continue to get hurt or do I say something? You try to handle it calmly, but emotions sometimes get in the way.


The best way I found is to bring it to their attention, and hope they make the right choice to not hang around with the offending "friend" any longer. However, you can't choose your kids' friends for them and as long as it isn't anything harmful to their bodies like drugs or any substance, sometimes you have to watch from the sidelines.

The thing about my daughter is that she always thinks the best of everyone. She doesn't want to believe anyone would intentionally want to hurt her. However, that's not always the case. If this was the first instance, I would've shut my mouth, but this is the second time and I had to say something to her. I don't trust this particular so called "friend" and with good reason. I guess it doesn't matter what I believe; my daughter has to come to terms with it in her own way.

However, this so called friend of hers is a very lonely, unhappy person. My personal belief is I think hurting others makes her feel better about herself. My daughter feels sorry for her, but you can't be friends with someone you feel sorry for. Especially if hurting you makes them feel better about themselves. That isn't friendship; it's abuse.

The awkward part about the situation is that not only do I know this child, but I know her parents as well. She has proved to my daughter before that she isn't really her friend and she's doing it again to her. I have to let my daughter work this out for herself, but when you're a parent, that's the most difficult thing to do. That being said, my daughter is smart; I brought her up the very best I could and I trust her judgment.

She told me last night, "Mom, trust me. I can handle this," and I know she is very capable and is intelligent enough to take care of this situation her own way. So now I sit back and pray and bite my tongue.

The Internet is where this situation came to light, and that's something that I never had to deal with as a teenaged girl. The Internet and Instant Messaging isn't always a good thing. People can be mean and stab you in the back and not have to face you. Basically, it's just a new way of how someone can be a coward. Just what we all need to complicate raising our children!

I recently read this on line. If you're like me -- raising a teenage girl in today's world -- I believe it's worth taking a little time to read.

If I'm thankful for anything during this time it's that my daughter and I have an open relationship. We talk and I hope I guide her in the right direction. The hardest part about being a parent is knowing when to back off. Believe me, I know how hard that can be!

Good Communication With Your Kids Includes Talking About Scary Things -- Like The News

I'm one of those people who watches the news on a regular basis. I like to keep up with what is going on in the world.

I love to watch CNN, and Lou Dobbs happens to be one of my favorites. Anderson Cooper and his show "360" is also one I like to tune into on a daily basis. I suppose I watch both of them because I usually agree with what they're saying. As stressed as I can get, I really don't need to watch people I disagree with.

Which is probably why I don't like to watch Fox News. They're usually saying things I don't agree with and have guests such as Ann Coulter, who I won't even bother to watch. If I see her I can't change the channel fast enough. Bill O'Reilly is another show I just simply can't and won't watch. Now this is just my opinion.

This entry isn't to bash Fox and promote CNN. I just think it's good to know what's going on in the world. If you like Fox more than CNN by all means watch it, but even if you're a homemaker you should keep up with current events.

I think it keeps your mind alert. Even though the news is depressing at times and very sensationalistic, it makes you feel smarter and informed. Especially if you're at home a lot.

My daughter Nicole, now 14, is very interested in what is happening in the world. She comes home after school and talks about current events. Nicole's social studies teacher happens to talk about current events in class quite often. My daughter thinks her teacher is wonderful and she is so interested in his class.

As violent as the news can be my daughter seems to be able to handle it. I attribute this to her having a safe haven to come home to. You can't hide the violence from your kids no matter how hard you try.

Several months back we had a case in Michigan where a wife and mother went missing. Her name was Tara Grant. It was just a horrific crime. As usual the husband claimed he had nothing to do with her disappearance. He of course later confessed to killing her.


Tara Grant (above), whose husband, Steven (below), confessed to killing



Now we have a current case which is Stacy Peterson. Another wife and mother missing. This time from the state of Illinois. Again, the husband is claiming he has nothing to do with her disappearance. We'll see; however, I highly doubt it. Most mothers just don't leave their children.

How about the highly publicized Laci Peterson case? Again, another husband claiming he had nothing to do with his wife's disappearance. Not only did this monster kill his wife, but also his unborn baby. Unless you live in a cave you've heard about this case, and so have your children.

I think it's important as a parent to be able to talk to your kids about current events. They talk about them in school, and we need them to be well informed.

No, you can't make sense of these types of murder cases. Thankfully most of us, not even in our wildest dreams, could ever hurt another human being let alone someone we are supposed to love.

How do you explain this type of violent crime to your kids? You can't. However, you can sit down and talk to them about it. Especially if they bring up the subject, which my daughter has done on numerous occasions.

We live in a very violent society. However, it's up to us to make our children feel safe. Talking about it is one way to make them feel better.

These monsters that kill their wives not only affect their children and family, but they affect all of us. Let's take back some of the power that these monsters have taken away from all of us! Especially the innocence of our children, of which they've robbed some.

By talking about it with your children it will relieve some of the fright they may be feeling. It's important to let our kids know that they can talk to us, even about the most unspeakable things.

Maybe we don't have the answers as to why these terrible things occur. If we talk about them it may prevent it from happening in the future. Let's teach our kids that violence is not the answer. Because chances are, they've heard about it, and not talking about it won't make it go away.

By talking about these types of terrible crimes and current events with our children it may prevent it from happening in the future. One way is to make sure they feel safe and secure at home. When you talk to your kids you get to know them better. The only way to be able to talk to your kids about these types of crimes is for you to know what is going on yourself. Maybe if some of these monsters had a person to talk to they would have thought twice before doing what they did.

Hopefully by talking to our children it will prevent future violence. If we do our job as parents, maybe in some small way these poor people haven't died in vain.

Violent Kids, Left Unchecked, Will Become Violent Adults

The violence in our society is so bad and it is affecting all our children in one way or another.

Yesterday my daughter went to school as usual. She was looking forward to going to school because she had made the Honor Roll. In recognition of that, the middle school had a pizza party for those children who had worked so hard.

I have always been a parent who volunteers for these kinds of events, and I have always been happy to do so. I love to see the kids have a time to relax and enjoy a special event at school. Especially when they all deserved it and worked so very hard to achieve what they had.

There was also another event happening in my daughter's school yesterday, which was a book fair. If you're not familar, a book store is set up in the school and you give your kids money to buy whatever they would like for the amount of money you have given them.

My daughter chose a book and a Harry Potter poster. Nicole is a huge Harry Potter fan and was so excited to get this poster. Now leave it up to someone to turn a fun thing into an awful experience.

My daughter and her friend are walking out of school at the end of the day and this boy who they have known since elementary school came up to them. My daughter said to him "I just bought this Harry Potter Poster, do you want to see it?" Instead of a yes or no he grabbed the poster out of my daughter's hand and pushed her to the ground. She was so shocked. She asked him what was wrong with him and he just looked down and laughed at her.

This kid never said he was sorry or anything. Didn't try to help her up or even inquire if she was hurt.

My husband picked her up from school, and as soon as she she walked into the door and saw me she burst into tears. She said to me, "I hate school, I hate the pressure and I'm sick of people!" I was stunned. All I could say is, "What happened?" When she told me I hit the roof.

We marched right back to school and I went to see the principal. I was so upset I was shaking. It seems like when things like this happen there is never an adult present to see it actually take place. So now it becomes my daughter's word against this other kid's.

Fortunately for me and unfortunately for society this kid has a history of violent behavior. Now I'm not saying my child is perfect, but she sure doesn't hurt anyone intentionally.

My daughter has always been nice to this particular boy because she knows his history. He's a huge kid, and is built like a linebacker. And my daughter, even though she is tall, is pretty skinny and not much more than 100 pounds. This kid is probably pushing 170 at least. That alone should give this guy a clue to leave her alone, but not the case.

The other thing is, we've had a run-in with this kid before and so has my daughter's friend. In fourth grade he punched my daughter and I went to see her teacher. In sixth grade he pushed down her best friend in the hall and her parents went into school to complain. He has bullied so many people that the list goes on and on.

Yet somehow they keep letting this kid back in school. If this isn't a cry for help, I'm not sure what is. They suspend this kid and he gets right back in school again. I'm not sure what is going on in this boy's home, but it can't be good.

Not one person is getting this kid the help he is screaming for. This boy is going to hurt someone very badly, and not one person is doing a thing to prevent it. Suspension isn't getting him the professional help he clearly needs.

This is the type of child that will shoot up a school, or maybe even turn into a rapist and murderer. If someone doesn't get him the help he so clearly needs society will take care of him. However, how many people will get hurt before that happens? Why does someone have to get hurt very badly or killed before some type of action is taken?

Fortunately my daughter wasn't hurt very badly. Her knees were red and puffy, but a bag of ice can take care of that. However, a bag of ice can't help this boy and neither can looking the other way.



So on Monday my husband and I have to go back to school and complain. The principal told us to come back on Monday and talk to the the Assistant Principal because she (the principal) won't be in school. I really believe she just doesn' t want to deal with this kid and is passing along the problem to her new Assistant Principal. I guess that's fine as long as it gets positive results.

The violence in our country is everywhere. We see it on TV, read it in the newspapers and see it in our schools. The most important thing I can do is try to keep my child as safe as I can.

The other thing I hope is that this other child gets the professional help he so clearly needs. I don't want anything bad to happen to him or to anyone else. It's up to us as adults to make sure these situations are taken care of in a positive way.

It's so easy to look the other way. The most disturbing thing to me in this particular situation isn't that my daughter was physically hurt, but that this kid just looked down at her and laughed. That will haunt me for a long time.

So now it becomes my responsibility to try to get results. Obviously this boy isn't getting what he needs from his home life. I feel so bad for him on one hand, but I am also very mad.

I guess the people I should be mad at are his family. I know for a fact there isn't a dad involved in his life so maybe that is where the anger comes from. I'm not sure, but all I know is that this situation must be addressed and right now.

It's up to us as responsible adults to take action and get involved. Not only in our children's lives, but to help other children as well. I'm not saying stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, but we must help ALL kids -- not just our own.

In the end I hope this child and many other children go down the right path. The most important thing we can give our children is a good home life. Somewhere that they feel safe and secure.

When my daughter came to me I was happy. This meant she trusts me to take care of the situation and protect her. As a parent that is the best gift I will ever receive from my child. She knows she has my support no matter what. We have open lines of communication and I feel I have done a good job with her. My daughter didn't respond back to this kid in a violent way. She came to me so that makes me feel like I did something right bringing her up they way I have.

All our children need to know they can come to their parents and we will be there for them. If this happened more often maybe our society wouldn't be so violent. Kids need reassurance on a consistent basis. They need the support and love of their family. Growing up in our society is so hard; let's not make it harder on our kids than it already is. Never give up on your kids -- they should be the most important people in your life.

Well, it's back to school for me on Monday! Wish me luck!!!!

Today's Homework: Book Sense Outweighs Common Sense

I can't say this any simpler: there is just too much homework for our kids! Someone has got to do something about this.

Yes, they should have some homework, but there is such a thing as overload. I think the amount of homework my child comes home with is completely unacceptable.

On top of all the homework is the weight of the books they bring home in their backpacks. I am so worried about my child's back. I'm afraid she's going to do damage to it. I told her, that if a book is too heavy, to carry it in her arms to more evenly distribute the weight.

You would think someone would use common sense when they're making these text books. Remember, these are children carrying these books. Can't someone use their heads and maybe break up the book in sections? Instead of one book for the whole year, maybe there should be three or four smaller ones. Am I the only person who thinks of these things?



I know everyone is always worried about cost. Do they ever think, What about the cost to our children's well being and health? Isn't that worth anything anymore?

The stress our kids are under is simply too much. Someone has got to say enough is enough. Not to mention the stress the parents feel -- especially responsible parents who work with their children and make sure they have good work habits.

The kids need a little downtime and also time for outside activities. They need balance in their lives. They need family time.

Also, think of the parents. We work outside the home, as well as inside it. We have to make dinner and be able to have time to sit and eat. We need time with our kids; it's important for our family. They need time with us as well.

We're multi-tasking all the time, so why do we have to multi-task time spent with our children? Then people wonder why there is a breakdown of the family. This sure doesn't help!

Another excuse I've heard for all the homework is kids have to be able to deal with stress. Well, maybe that's true, but isn't it our job as adults to protect them from stress -- not cause more? When the kids become adults they'll have enough stress. Why do we have to intoduce it to them sooner than necessary?

Here is another thing I've heard: "We have to be able to compete with other countries." This is a lot of nonsense. Why put our kids through all this stress to compete only to have the CEOs of this country outsource American jobs anyway? All they care about is the cheap labor they can get in other countries. They don't care about the American worker or the American family.

All I know is, Halloween is this Wednesday and I'm sure there will be a heavy load of homework. For one day can't they ease the load a bit? Let these kids enjoy going out without being worried about homework.

Also, let the parents be able to enjoy our kids for at least one night. We have to cook dinner, clean up and get the costumes on them, which includes makeup most of the time. Have a little pity on all of us this Wednesday!

Have a wonderful and spooky Halloween!!!! BOO!

A Dying Breed: People With Manners, Morals

Other than my immediate family, does anyone today have manners? Is there someone who just does something for someone else without an agenda? If these people exist I'd sure like to know who they are.

You see it every day and it seems to be happening more and more. I'd like to think I'm one of the few people who have manners and actually care about others.

I speak from experience. This is where it all began for me. Many years ago, when my daughter was in first grade, her school was looking for a parent to be Treasurer of the PTO. I was at the meeting and thought it would be something nice for me to do. After the meeting was over one of my neighbors pulled me aside and said, "Are you nuts?!" I had no idea what she meant at the time. Well, I found out pretty quickly. This is when my eyes were opened.

After I became Treasurer, it all began. Some of the women in the PTO started talking behind my back. Keep in mind, I was a new parent in this school and had never been involved in PTO. The reason I know they were talking behind my back is because they did it right in front of me without realizing. These two women were talking about me and it so happened I was walking right behind them. Unfortunately, my daughter and husband happened to be with me and heard everything they said. The funny thing about this incident was the reaction when these two particular women realized I was walking right behind them. The expressions on their faces were priceless. I thought they would both die of embarrassment. By rights they should have. The most heartbreaking thing for me however was when my child looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said; "Mommy why are they talking like that about you?" I was honest and said the only thing I could at the time and that was "I'm not sure."

They had been talking about something they thought I hadn't been doing, like the previous treasurer. Instead of coming to me and speaking to me about it like adults should, they chose to talk behind my back, and make fun of me. Well, thats fine I'm an adult and I can handle it, but what made me so mad was my child happened to hear also.

People like this are cowardly and gutless. After only one year as treasurer I stepped down. It wasn't just this incident, but one of many. It also just wasn't me; they would talk about other moms behind their backs too. I am just not into talking and gossiping behind people's backs. Mainly because it sets a rotten example for my child, but also because that is just not the kind of person I am.

I thought this kind of stuff just happened with women, but over the years I have come to realize it happens to men too. Maybe not in the same way, but it has manifested in our lives over the last seven months twice.

My husband has been stabbed in the back by men he thought he could trust. The problem is not only did they hurt him, but they hurt me and my daughter in the process. One of the individuals, we had treated exremely nicely. We had him over for dinner many times, and my daughter looked up to him. We treated him like a member of the family, but all he did was use my husband and toss him aside. My husband was hurt, I was hurt and the most heartbreaking thing for me was my daughter was hurt. As a parent, nothing makes you more mad than when your child is hurt.

The strange thing is these people seem to be able to live with themselves without any remorse. They also seem to be able to justify themselves. Well, I guess they think if they convince themselves they were justified everyone else will see it the same way. Well that's just not so. Just ask my daughter.

Well, I guess if you can live with yourself more power to you. I, however, am glad I don't hurt or use people. I happen to be the kind of person who can't live with herself if I hurt or use someone on purpose.

Yes, I'm sure I've hurt people, but it wasn't intentional. If I do hurt someone it bothers me, and yes I am a big enough person to apologize. The one thing I don't do is talk behind people's backs. You know the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." Why would you want to hurt or use someone intentionally? I can't figure that out.


If you do nothing else this weekend, try to do something nice for someone. Whether it's as simple as letting someone in during heavy traffic or simply holding a door open for someone. That little gesture can make someone's outlook and day just a little happier. Don't we at least owe that to each other? Just show some human kindness; it may have a trickle down effect.

Have a great weekend!

Idle Hands Truly Can Be Devil's Workshop

I believe one of the best things we can do for our kids is to keep them involved in activities. Whether it is in school or after school.

My daughter is in band and will continue in high school. My husband and I encourage her all the time, and she has become quite a good clarinet player.

Like most parents, I'm worried about her transition from middle school to high school. I worry about her getting in with the wrong crowd, or into drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex -- and anything else that may get her into trouble.

I do, however, believe in my child and know that my husband and I did the very best to bring her up with good moral values. I hope we have set a good example for her. We aren't perfect, but I hope making sacrifices throughout her life and just plain being there for her has made the difference.

I don't think you can be your child's best friend. They have that at school. I think that parents must be anchors for their kids. Keep them grounded. Make sure you know who they are hanging around with and where they are all the time. It's not an easy job, but is very important to their well being.

My daughter and I are very close, but I found myself not listening to her other day. She came home from school and I was in the kitchen getting ready to start dinner. I found myself not really listening to her. So I just stopped what I was doing and sat at the table and listened to what she had to say. It was nothing earth shattering, but the fact is she wanted to come to me and talk about it.

As parents, we are all busy and there just are not enough hours in the day. Later I thought about taking the time to listen to her and I realized, what happened as a result? We ate 15 minutes later. What's so terrible about that?

I'm so glad I realized what I was doing and took the time to sit down with her. Nobody likes not being heard. Children are no different. They are worth every bit of love and attention we can give them.

The stress our kids are under in school is much worse than we ever experienced. It's so important for them to have a safe haven. They need to express their opinions and we need to be able to guide them in the right direction.


Taking a walk with your kids as a family -- even in the rain -- can be considered quality time

The most important thing is to have open communication with kids. It's definitely not easy in this day and age. I think the more you listen and spend time with your kids the closer you will become.

Schedules are hectic and life is crazy, but I think keeping children active helps. Most cities have community centers now. Kids can swim or do other positive and healthy activities. The cost is minimal, and will keep them out of trouble. It's a nice thing parents and kids can do together. It also gets everyone out of the house. They can also meet up with their friends while you swim or do other activities. The old saying, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop," truly does apply -- especially nowadays.

So spend time with your kids. Take time to talk to them. Get to know their friends. The best thing for our children is to know that someone cares. If their parents don't, who will?

If You Want To Be A Mom, The Hours Are 24/7

Moms just aren't allowed to get sick and that was very apparent in my life yesterday.

My daughter got sick Sunday with some kind of stomach virus. Needless to say, I am the kind of mom that will stay up with her child when they are sick. She is 14, but still needs her mom when she isn't feeling well. There is nothing wrong with that; I'm in my 40s and I still would love to have my mom take care of me when I'm not feeling well.

Needless to say I didn't get much sleep Sunday night. Maybe 3 hours at best. I sat with my daughter and watched TV in between bouts of her getting up and running to the bathroom.

The problem started when all of a sudden, I didn't feel too good myself. My husband being without full-time employment right now has to do freelance jobs when he can get them. He had to work from about 1:30 pm until about 11:00 pm last night. I, like every other mother, had to go on and continue to run the house and take care of my child.

You see, moms don't get vacation or time off. You have to continue no matter how terrible you feel.


No, that's not me and Nicole, but the duties of a mom haven't changed

I wish more of these teenage girls would realize that before they become pregnant. Being a good mom is the hardest and most important job in the world and if you're not ready for it it can be devasting for a child, as well as the mom.

All I wanted to do was lie down and be left alone, but that can't happen. More important, however, was my child and I had to make sure she had fluids. On top of that I had to stop and make sure I was trying to keep down fluids myself.

I also have two dogs to feed and make sure go outside. Our little Jack Russell Terrier, Scamp, needs to be walked. I had to take him for a walk after he ate his dinner around 6:30 p.m last night.

I started a load of laundry earlier on Monday and had to go downstairs and put that in the dryer. After it was dried I put it away. You see, things just can't stop because I don't feel well. It was like being a single mom yesterday.

After I came back from walking the dog and putting away the laundry my daughter said she was a little hungry. I had to make her a little something to eat. Nothing hard so I opened a can of soup and heated it up for her. Now this isn't a difficult thing to do, but when you don't feel well yourself you'd be surprised how difficult it can be.

To top it off she took about two or three spoonfuls and said she felt nauseous. So it felt like I fed her for nothing. After that, I finally think I get to lie down. I do so, and not five minutes later the dog wants out again. Get this: my daughter says to me, "Mom, you're up and down an awful lot." No kidding.

When you're feeling fine all the up-and-down isn't a problem, but when you're not feeling well either, all this does is make you feel worse.

Obviously, since I'm writing today I am feeling a little better. My daughter slept though most of the night last night, but is still home from school. I'm going to try to get some solid food in her today. My job continues.

Being a mom is a 24-hour, 7-day-a-week job. You get no time off. There is no vacation. If you're not ready to be a mom, don't do it! The most important job in the world is to be a good mom. You have to put yourself last. If you don't, not only do you suffer but more importantly your child will suffer.

So for all you teenage girls out there that want a baby, caring for my sick 14-year-old is nothing compared to a little baby who needs constant attention. My daughter is a teenager herself and still needs me when she isn't feeling well.

The best way to be a good mom is to wait until you are ready. This is the hardest and most important job you will ever have. Don't mess it up!

Contraception For Middle Schoolers: Treating A Symptom, Not The Problem

I heard on the news yesterday, which completely blew my mind, about a school district in Maine making birth control available to children in middle school. These kids are in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade.

This means children ages 11-13 being able to get a full range of contraception. The types of contraception would include pills, patches, injections, and the "morning after" pill.

I don't agree with schools getting involved with the distribution of contraceptives. As parents, we're losing more and more of our parental rights. This is not taking care of the problem; all this is doing is encouraging children to have sex at a young age. Children at this age are just not ready for sex.

This also doesn't mean they won't be able to contract HIV/AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease. All this does is prevent pregnancy and even that is not 100% guaranteed.

When our children come home with a sexually transmitted disease are the schools going to pay the bills? No, of course not. When a child dies of AIDS, is someone from the school going to be holding that child's hand? I doubt it.

Whatever happend to educating them? That's what schools are supposed to do -- not hand out contraception. Show them people dying of AIDS. Fear and the truth are great motivators. Education, education, education.

We educate them to not take drugs. Still, kids use drugs every day. Does this mean we start handing out drugs in school? I mean, if some kids use anyway, why not make that available to them too? It's the same premise.


Birth control patches, like the one pictured above, would be made available to middle schoolers, if a Maine school district gets its way

We also educate kids not to smoke. Again, some kids will still smoke. So why not hand out packs of cigarettes too? Where do we draw the line?

This contraception in middle schools proposal is just a way for lazy parents to get out of their responsibility. It's another example of the breakdown of the family. It seems it takes two incomes to make ends meet today, but this is no reason to shirk your responsibility as a parent.

Take time to talk to your kids. Get to know their friends. It's our right as parents to know where our kids are all the time. The schools have no right to get involved. This is a personal family matter. Whatever happened to educating and advocating abstinence?

Here's something else: You can't mention God in schools, but you can hand out birth control. What's going on in this country? Where are our moral values?

Another concern I have is, who knows what kind of effect these drugs will have on a child's developing body? Somewhere down the line when they are older maybe we'll find out the adverse effect of these contraceptives, but by that time the damage will be done.

My husband and I brought our daughter into this world and it's our responsiblity as parents to make sure she doesn't go down the wrong path. This proposal in Maine doesn't help our plight. As a matter of fact, it makes it worse. Why listen to your parents when you can go to school and get birth control behind their backs?

Maybe if kids feel safe, secure, and loved at home they won't want to have sex at such an early age. Let kids know they are special. Tell them to have respect for their bodies. It may not be cool, but neither is a crying baby at 2:00 a.m. Dying from a sexually transmitted disease isn't too cool either.

Our kids need to feel special and loved. I'm not saying that some kids won't have sex, but it's a parent's decision after consulting with a family doctor to decide on birth control if their child is having sex.

The primary concern is to make sure our children feel loved, so they won't have to seek love anywhere else. They need to come to their parents first. We need to have open lines of communcation with our children on any subject and they have to be able to trust us. The more you talk to your kids the easier this becomes.

Lots of Hope for Premature Babies

My daughter was born 2 months early, weighing in at a whopping 2 lbs 14 ozs. She was the tiniest little baby I had ever seen. I had toxemia and she had to be delivered after a long stint in bed for a little over 2 months.

At that time no one I knew had ever had a baby born that early. I was scared she would not have a normal life, and I tried to put that thought out of my mind, as much as possible. She was our first and to this day our only child. We were new parents and newly married. When I look back now I wonder how we got through that part of our lives without a nervous breakdown.

As a new mother you look forward to bringing home a healthy baby. My daughter was in the hospital for 2 months prior to coming home. I was at the hospital day and night hoping that her hearing my voice would let her know I was there. My mom was my constant companion at the hospital day after day. My husband had to work all day, but every evening he would be at the hospital with me, even as tired as I'm sure he was. I remember one night after leaving our daughter, I cried from the time we left Beaumont Hospital until we got home. My poor husband just drove and I'm sure didn't know what to do to make me feel better. As a new mother you want your baby home with you, but you have to do what is best for your child, and her coming home was not the answer.

As if you're not going through enough at the time, some people would have to tell you "Oh, your daughter is going to be slow", or "She won't do well in school", or "You have a lot of work cut out for you", or "She will always be sick", etc. What I always remember is what her Primary Nurse, Julia told me, "She will be fine; these kids do fine." That gave me hope and I tried to only focus on that.

I remember one mom in particular saying to me, "I'm so afraid I'm going to get a call in the middle of the night that my son didn't make it." That scared me to hear another mom say what I had thought every now and then, but I wanted to stay positive. I told her everything would be fine. As I looked at these two tiny babies hooked up to machines and wires attached to their little bodies, I'm not sure if I actually believed what I was saying myself.

Nicole was only on oxygen for one day. I came to find out later that her being in a stressful situation had actually helped her, and her lungs developed very rapidly while inside me. The longer she stayed in the hospital the stronger she became. To see this little baby develop outside of the womb was amazing. I can never say enough about the doctors and nurses -- they were wonderful and to this day I am so greatful for them. How do you thank people for keeping your child alive? There are no words.

After 2 months in the hospital the day finally came when we got to bring her home. I remember being happy and scared. Now the day you were waiting for is finally here, but the doctors and nurses don't get to come home with you. To say I was scared was an understatement, but I don't think I let it show. I still didn't know what her outcome would be. Would she be slow? I didn't want to focus on that and I didn't. I was just determined to be the best mom I could be, and to give her lots of love and attention.


An example of a preemie ward; a place like this was our home for two months (April-June 1993)

We started reading to her at a very early age. I remember her sitting in a bouncer reaching for the attached toys at about 3 months old. When I looked at her she seemed to be a normal baby to me. She had these beautiful brown eyes and would look at everything.

Before she was 2 years old she was saying her ABCs. She could also count to 20. I am happy to report that that little baby is 14 years old now. She is healthy, happy and smart as a whip. She just received her progress report and received all A's and a B. She is in 8th grade now and has been on the honor role every time since she began in junior high. She plays the clarinet, and very well I might add. The only thing is she may catch colds and get sick a little more than other kids, but she gets better pretty fast. So we are very thankful for the wonderful people at Beaumont and in God.

If you know anyone with a premature child this should give them hope. Oh yes, and that little boy I mentioned earlier, I saw him in the doctors office when they were about 4 months old and he looked great. I'm sure he is also doing well to this day. Children are amazing and this is proof. When you stay focused and positive anything is possible.

Have a super day!!!!