The hardest part, I'm finding out, about being a parent is knowing that you can't stop your kids from getting hurt. Part of being a good parent is knowing when to get involved and when to just let them work it out for themselves.
Some teenaged girls are very mean and my daughter is finding that out right now. The hardest part is finding out that the person you thought was your best friend is really in competition with you and truly isn't your friend.
Being a teenager is tough enough as it is, especially today. When the person you thought was your friend stabs you in the back it hurts. Not only does it hurt your child, but as a parent it makes you mad and hurts you as well.
How you handle any situation with your child is always tough for any parent. Do I keep quiet and let her continue to get hurt or do I say something? You try to handle it calmly, but emotions sometimes get in the way.
The best way I found is to bring it to their attention, and hope they make the right choice to not hang around with the offending "friend" any longer. However, you can't choose your kids' friends for them and as long as it isn't anything harmful to their bodies like drugs or any substance, sometimes you have to watch from the sidelines.
The thing about my daughter is that she always thinks the best of everyone. She doesn't want to believe anyone would intentionally want to hurt her. However, that's not always the case. If this was the first instance, I would've shut my mouth, but this is the second time and I had to say something to her. I don't trust this particular so called "friend" and with good reason. I guess it doesn't matter what I believe; my daughter has to come to terms with it in her own way.
However, this so called friend of hers is a very lonely, unhappy person. My personal belief is I think hurting others makes her feel better about herself. My daughter feels sorry for her, but you can't be friends with someone you feel sorry for. Especially if hurting you makes them feel better about themselves. That isn't friendship; it's abuse.
The awkward part about the situation is that not only do I know this child, but I know her parents as well. She has proved to my daughter before that she isn't really her friend and she's doing it again to her. I have to let my daughter work this out for herself, but when you're a parent, that's the most difficult thing to do. That being said, my daughter is smart; I brought her up the very best I could and I trust her judgment.
She told me last night, "Mom, trust me. I can handle this," and I know she is very capable and is intelligent enough to take care of this situation her own way. So now I sit back and pray and bite my tongue.
The Internet is where this situation came to light, and that's something that I never had to deal with as a teenaged girl. The Internet and Instant Messaging isn't always a good thing. People can be mean and stab you in the back and not have to face you. Basically, it's just a new way of how someone can be a coward. Just what we all need to complicate raising our children!
I recently read this on line. If you're like me -- raising a teenage girl in today's world -- I believe it's worth taking a little time to read.
If I'm thankful for anything during this time it's that my daughter and I have an open relationship. We talk and I hope I guide her in the right direction. The hardest part about being a parent is knowing when to back off. Believe me, I know how hard that can be!
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